Guilt
by HolyMangos
Summary: Out of all the hours he spent blaming himself, he never spent a minute actually apologizing to his brother. [Set after Broken Foot]


**[Out of all the hours he spent, blaming himself, he never spent a minute actually apologizing to his brother.]**

 **Set after Broken Foot. May have slightly exaggerated Donnie's injuries, but come on. He got thrown out of a flaming building and smashed into car. You'd think he'd _at least_ have a concussion. **

**Also bro fluff, which includes Leo feeling horrible about his recent actions.**

* * *

The end credits of Space Heroes roared out, making it the only clear sound in the lair. The lights were all shut off, with only the tv's faint glow to provide any source of vision.

At 3am, it was obvious the lair would be dark, but never before had it bothered Leo. Never before had something as simple as darkness made him feel suffocated, wrong, and confused.

Today has been _horrible_. Easily one of the worst days of his life. And that was coming from someone who fought dinosaurs, battled alien KRANG, and watched his own planet explode within seconds. And although fortunately no one died _this time_ , compared to the last, they had come very, very close.

They had almost lost Donnie.

And it was all Leo's fault.

Not having a choice against the thoughts sinking into his mind, Leo buried his head to his knees and shut his eyes.

In a way, everything had worked out alright. Donnie was _alive_ , he kept constantly having to remind himself. _Donnie wasn't dead._ _The explosion didn't kill him. Nor did slamming into a metal car. Donnie was alive and would soon be okay. With just a concussion and some broken bones to prove it._

In another way, what happened tugged on his mind, and he wasn't completely sure, it _would_ be alright. And more then once in the past half hour, Leo had found himself questioning what a _good_ leader would truly do. Of course, that triggered the thought that a good leader would never have gotten his team into the mess in the first place.

A good leader wouldn't have switched teams in the middle of the night. A good leader wouldn't have assisted in something so morally wrong. And a good leader especially wouldn't do any of that over the charms of a girl.

It didn't help the fact that that girl was technically his sister and Master Splinter had expressed his disproval, more then once, over Karai's actions. The fact that he, the teams chosen leader, had screwed up so badly, that one of his own brothers had nearly died due to his actions, was more then an overstatement that he failed.

And of course, Raph was more then happy to inform him, that _yes, Leo, you did fail._

Raph had mentioned the genius turtle apparently being the first to discover the bombs -the bombs Leo _knew_ were going to be planted- and alerting Mikey and Raph instantly. Unfortunately, at least according to Raphael, the bombs went off only a second later, and Leo's three younger brothers were flown out of the building.

Leo didn't ever think he'd forget the moment he saw Raph and Mikey carrying an unconscious Donatello away from the building, just as he, Shinagami, and Karai were making their escape to freedom.

It was _stupid_. He couldn't even look at his injured brother, when he _eventually_ caught up to the three. Leo could say a lot of things about the red masked turtle, but tonight, Raph had proved he truly was a better big brother than Leo, himself was. And Leo never felt guiltier.

And yet, there was still no way to go back in time and change the day's screwed up events.

No way to redeem himself for his multiple mistakes that if made by Donnie, Leo would be furious over..

Leaning back against the side of the couch, Leonardo pressed a hand to his knee before scooting a bit closer. After all of the day's events, Leo realized the least he could do, was take the main shift at watching Donnie. Making sure, the possible concussion would resolve itself, and his little brother would be fine. Leo, for one knew had dangerous concussions could be, depending on where they were and to what extent, and he definitely was not going to take any more chances of ignoring something serious.

Quietly patting his younger brother's head, which was smushed into the pillow, provided by Mikey, Leo stood. Giving Donnie one more long, meaningful stare, the blue masked turtle turned around and headed towards the kitchen. The soup should be just about done anyway..

* * *

"Donnie. Don."

His head was pounding.

Words faded in and out as he tried to relax. His body hurt, his head was throbbing, and he felt suffocated, like he couldn't breathe.

He technically wanted to hear whoever was talking to him, but more then that, he just wanted to rest. He honestly doubted much time went by since the last time he was 'checked on', which mainly consisted of one of his brothers asking him a bunch of stupidly obvious questions and asking him to drink some water, or tea, or something. Really, he needed to have a follow up with them on what to do after someone suffers from a concussion. He was pretty sure his eyes had only been checked once.

" _Donnie_."

 _Leo_. For a few solid minutes, he was pretty sure he had mumbled his oldest brothers name out loud, but given by Leo's nonexistent response, he _probably_ didn't.

After another minute, Donnie's eyes budgently opened, and he blinked wearily at the face in front of him. "Hi."

"Hey." Leo showed off a hard worked, yet well achieved fake smile. He shot an anxious glance at his younger brother, almost with uncertainty. "How are you feeling?"

Donnie leaned his head against the couch cushion, pulling the blanket up a bit higher. "M'okay." He answered, shooting a small glance at Leo. "Just tired. Head hurts a little."

" _I'm sorry_." Truthfully Leo didn't know if he was apologizing because Donnie's head hurt or because of _why_ his head hurt. Either way, he quickly covered it up with a question. "Do you want any soup?"

* * *

It took more then 5 times, Leo counted, till he eventually gave into the urge of assisting Donnie with the bowl. Every time he noticed his younger brothers shaking arms and distant glance, his own fears overcame him and he _had_ to help. Donnie, of course, clearly wasn't thrilled with Leo's plan of action, and was grumbling and groaning about it for the first few minutes. But fortunately he instead soon changed his groaning to revolve around his painful headache. More or less, it allowed the purple masked turtle not to consistently worry about passing out and spilling the soup any more then he already did.

By the time the bowl was empty, Leo had also retrieved herbal tea from sensai's cabinet, and switched the channel from Space Heroes to a documentary the blue masked leader knew nothing about. Though it was definitely something Donnie would rather watch, Leo didn't hesitate to put it on. Although the leader wasn't completely sold on the idea of watching a movie, mainly considering Donnie deserved all the uninterrupted rest he could get, Donnie seemed to be good with it and Leo was not planning on arguing with him for a long, long time.

What Leo didn't know was, Donnie did want to thank him for the soup and tea, even if he seemed very slightly incapable of holding a spoon. However, by the time the narrator was going into the African settings, and it was 25 minutes through, that thought was long forgotten and instead, energy was spent on focusing on the tv.

Long legs were soon wrapped within the blanket from earlier and a pillow caught his head, as Leo shot him a sympathetic smile.

Donnie smiled back, for a few short seconds, before turning his gaze back towards the tv, admittedly rubbing it as he did so, well gently shutting his eyes.

His head _hurt_ , but thankfully, it was dulling every time he shut his eyes and focused on the fading sounds of the documentary. For a few minutes, he even felt Leo rubbing his head.

"Don?" The eldest brother mumbled, shooting the genius out of his thoughts. Automatically, Donnie's eyes blinked wide open, noticing Leo's own tense face.

"Yeah, Leo?"

"Does your head still hurt? I can get you more tea."

Before Donnie could even fathom a reasonable reply, Leo was alright up and at em. Standing up from the couch, in a flash, he looked down at his younger brother with a stare of concern.

"Uh, it's okay, Leo. M' fine.." The genius promised, throwing in another tiny smile for reassuring proof. Although Leonardo was still staring at him, the blue masked turtle eventually gave a nod and returned to his seat beside him.

By the time the movie was halfway over, Leo had shot a glance at Donnie over 15 times. This action did not go unnoticed, and by the tenth time, whenever Leo turned to apparently make sure Donnie was still breathing, Donnie would alert himself awake and look over to Leonardo as well. Not even bothering to move positions, Donnie made sure to answer Leo's persistently obvious questions and recommendations of his wellbeing.

And by the time the end credits rolled in, Leo had poured multiple cups of herbal tea, all of which had been left untouched by the both of them. Donnie wasn't sure what the complete point of that was, especially considering he eventually, firmly and directly, said he was no longer thirsty and just wanted to rest. But to still leave the documentary on.. Leo listened to that part, at least, but otherwise, seemed sure that he knew better on how to handle whatever it was he thought he was handling. As if Donnie was just lying about not wanting any tea and that secretly, it would cure everything...

Donnie's throat was scratchy as he tried to speak. But, taking in a small breath, he looked up at his big brother and leader, before firmly stating his name. "Leo.."

Leo's eyes zipped over to Donnie's as he fumbled around with the remote. "Yeah, Don? You okay?"

"I'm.. fine." Sitting a bit more upright, Donnie took in another breath. "Are you okay?"

This question was apparently just as challenging as the time Donatello worked four days straight, simply for the possible chance of creating retromutagen, considering Leo's gaze drifted off from the tv towards the floor, and then, actually over to Donnie.

"Yeah." Leo answered, after a few more seconds. "Yeah. I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be? _You're_ the one who's injured."

"I know, but.." Donnie didn't bother to meet his gaze, instead following the original look at the floor. "You seem..."

"I'm fine, Donnie. It's nothing." Placing a reassuring hand on his younger brothers forehead, Leo helped him lay back down. "Just try to rest. Do you want me to put another movie on?"

Although _technically_ Donnie listened to his urge to lay down, he failed to reply. At least not with what Leo was expecting.

"You're upset about Karai."

Donnie didn't even notice how wide Leo's eyes suddenly were, and he especially failed to notice the frown edging his mouth, as he continued. "You think she's going to get herself killed.."

"..Donnie." Leo started.

"I think she'll be okay, Leo." Donnie mumbled, turning to one side as if in order to face his brother. "Mikey told me what happened earlier. And I mean, I heard about her plans to go after Shredder. But..."

".. But I think she'll be okay." Donnie continued, after another minute. "She'll realize the mistake she's making, _eventually_. Maybe. Hopefully. And although I can't exactly guarantee she'll come back here when it's over, the odds of her succeeding to take down Shredder, even assisted with Shinagami, are only 10 percent. Even if you went back to help her, that would only raise odds to 15 percent. And that's still highly unprovable."

"Don.." Leo persuaded.

"But the odds are even _lower_ of her dying or getting drastically injured well fighting him. When it comes down to it, she might see how unrealistic winning is, and bolt. And then maybe, you and her can talk. I know your worried, but-"

"Donnie." Leo interrupted, sternly. Donnie didn't even notice he was crouching down at the couches side again. "Believe me, I'm _not_ worried about Karai. And I'm not planning on helping her again. At least not unless, we _all_ agree, that's the best course of action.."

"Your not?" Donnie blinked. "But then.. What's wrong? Did Mikey not tell me something?"

"No." Leo shook his head, before sighing aloud. "I'm worried about you. You understand you are the one who got thrown out of an exploding building, right?"

Leo watched as his brothers face first wrinkled in confusion, and then the sudden realization hit. Before Donnie could reassure, once again, that he was indeed fine, Leo spoke up.

"It was my fault the three of you even went into that building. If you hadn't come after me... If I hadn't made such a huge mistake.." No longer did Leo meet Donnie's eyes. Even when Donnie shuffled closer and was looking directly at him.

"It's not your fault, Leo. It's okay. I'm fine.

"It's _not_ okay and you're _not_ fine.. You're lucky to be alive right now, Donnie! Not to mention, how stupid I was for even listening to Karai in the first place! I didn't think of the outcome, and now your suffering from my mistake!"

Donnie opened his mouth but then immediately shut it. Leo sighed before continuing.

"Leaders don't make these many bad decisions. Leaders don't let their team fall, especially not over something so incredibly _stupid!"_

He felt a familiar hand touch his shoulder, and slowly began to look up. Donnie was looking back at him, with no anger whatsoever, just remorse.

"You didn't know what could happen. And I don't blame you. Your still a really good leader, bro."

For a few seconds, Leo smiled. But soon, that fell to a frown, as he rubbed his hand to his head. "Its my job to know what's going to happen with the choices I make. Do you even have any idea how lucky you are you're not dead?"

Of course Donnie knows, the thought slipped into Leo's mind. He knows everything! He's probably already thought this entire thing through fifty different times..

"I didn't even tell you how sorry I am.." Leo trailed off. Now returning to his previous spot on the couch, Leo looked to his younger brother and sighed. "I'm really sorry, Don. I screwed up today. But I promise you, I'll make it better."

Taking a leap of faith, Donnie rested his head on his brother's right shoulder. Leo seemed to smile, a bit at the action, and leaned a little more to the same side.

"Leo," Mumbled Donnie, quietly, after a few more seconds. "Not everything bad that happens to us is the result of your leadership. And I get it. You wanted to help Karai. You just weren't thinking it through... Just.. _Please_ think it through next time.."

"There _won't_ be a next time, Donnie. I promise."

Nodding, Donnie felt Leo wrap the blanket around his shoulders and let out a calm sigh of relief at the touch. Feeling the affectionate head rub following, Donnie glanced up at his older brother with a small smile.

"Is your head feeling any better, Don?"

"Yeah, a little."


End file.
